he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
