His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was like eating out sand paper
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
