who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
