all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
