Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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