I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
