Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
