I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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