I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
