Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
