Farmville is her only friend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
