there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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