I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im holly from the hills drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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