I want to stick my p in your. b.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
