My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
