I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I puked a lego.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
