I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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