so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
