She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
