That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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