yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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