See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
