In the future we'll all be gay
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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