At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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