i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You don't make any sense
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