I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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