yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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