he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
