You're so nebulous sometimes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
ttyl tear gas
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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