why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
