We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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