Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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