And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
