I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
