was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
