the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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