it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
be right there i have to get my cape
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
