Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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