what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
