If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
