no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
