How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
