I'm really into asian looking animals
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
