ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
