he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
