i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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