there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
