Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
