Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
