I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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